Labels: Our Queer Family

link | posted by Reese at 1:24 PM
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Environmental factors, the vog and its effects on the farm, the farm and what the impact of the vog means to the future and our plans, the protea industry in Hawaii, attempts at organization between the growers, the growers and their relationship to the University of Hawaii's floraculture program, the last 40 years of protea research by the University of Hawaii's floraculture program...


Family issues, the developement of our ohana, relations between various members of our ohana, the difficulties of parenting and childing, and grandparenting, the sharing of a social circle, the irresponsibilities of youth, the impact of the individual over the consensus, the concept of the ohana and its impact on the future of gay parenting, gay marriage, alternative families, etc.

Social pressures, the interplay amoungst acquaintances, unrequited desires, mis-interpretted distances, boredom, agenda strategy, loneliness, connection frustration...

This was a post that I started a few weeks ago, but never went back and filled in. Now I look at it and I realize that in itself it was/is a nice insight into me at the moment. Although I am not completely defined by these stresses. Lately I seem more able to keep the stress compartmentalized.

Labels: Flowers, Our Queer Family, Vog

link | posted by Reese at 11:56 AM
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Same-sex marriage, gay agenda, election year, blah blah...

Tolver and I have celebrated our relationship publicly four times during our 23 years. The first, a DIY event for 70 of our friends and acquaintances, in a back yard, in Austin Texas, in 1987; the second, joining others in San Francisco, in 1996, for the first Domestic Partnerships in the country, and then again in 1997, when those rights were expanded to the state level in California; and the fourth, on Valentine's Day of 2004 when we were issued a wedding certificate by the county of San Francisco, later to be annulled by the state.

Now that there may be same-sex marriage again in California, will we return to go again?

No. We have a piece of paper that says we are already married, no need to go do that again
- just to have it taken away from us again,
- just to be used as pawns in the political game again,
- just to demand recognition from those not a part of our lives in any way.

It is only an issue because it is the political season, not because the right thing to do is recognize everybody's relationships as equal. Before the piece of paper, during the piece of paper, and after the piece of paper - our feelings towards each other have never changed. At 22 and a half years now, few our age have matched us in commitment. We won, no need to gloat or demand special favor.

Marriage Equality is a quagmire. Marriage is an out-dated institution that should be replaced with specific social contracts defining financial and care cooperation among individuals.

For almost 3 years now, Tolver and I have worn our collars as a symbol of our commitment. The collars make our relationship story special again, without the political overtones. We're obviously fated to work on the cutting edge of alternative family relationships, so now our calling is more toward the extended family.

Labels: Our Queer Family

link | posted by Reese at 11:43 AM
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We have been apart very little in those 22 years; a couple days here or there, but probably not even a whole month's worth when all put together.

We've come across a lot of people over the years who just don't get 'us', our relatonship. Our relationship is about commitment, and through that, we have chosen symbiosis. There is no one without the other; we are a compound person.

If all life, all individual perceptions, are the same; an instance of the universe made manifest; then one individual perception was/is the first, and another will/is being the last. Two sides of the same existance, with a universe full of "sides" in between.

Labels: Our Queer Family

link | posted by Reese at 8:00 PM
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Today I noticed a new link to us from Queer Merry Faeries' web site. Theirs is a very beautiful site, with a lot of inspirational content. I am looking forward to having something new to browse.

I am very glad that we are listed on the various Radical Faerie web site listings out there. We have met a few new friends through casual visits to our site directed from the lists. Although the casual visitor may not find our site particularly Fae, on the surface. We are happy to contribute or connection to the faerie family that does exist here, on the Big Island of Hawaii. We have offered our accommodations to those crossing the island (being half way between the two airports has its advantages,) and we have always felt as much contribution in return as our hospitality warrants, from our guests. Faeries love the Faggot Flower Farm.

The numerous people that we have met through connection to the Radical Faeries, and our time with Harry and John, guide our conceptualizations of Our Queer Family, and my personal understanding of my perception's connection to the universe and connection to the other perceptions whom I share it with.

Labels: Faeries, Our Queer Family

link | posted by Reese at 11:53 AM
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Being a farm in Hawaii we have a Tiki of Lono - the God of (amoungst other things) Agriculture. We thought it appropriate, that where we were, and what we were doing, that we should have one. And of course, being gay men, we got one with a raging hard-on. (ha ha, a tiki made of wood with a woodie!)

However, being Scientists we promptly forgot about him and went on with our lives.

Then came the drought, un-ending months of ZERO rainfall. True we live on the 'Dry' side of the Island, but we should still get SOME rain. It was several months into the drought that we were reminded that we had a Tiki who should be providing rain for us, after all the plants are HIS responsibility, right? And then we realized that we had been ignoring him, and that if we wanted any relief that we should pay some respect to him. So we did. We began ring-tossing a cock-ring up into the air to try and ring his cock. And the day after Reese finally made the toss... it rained. It is now almost a month later with our normal rain pattern re-established, and we have hope that the drought is broken.


Thanx Be to Lono.

Now, as Scientists, we can not discount that, for reasons unknown to us at present, respecting Hawaiian Gods actually seems to work.

Labels: Hawaii, Our Queer Family

link | posted by Reese at 10:05 PM
1 comments

This Leucadendron Argenteum, also known as Silver Tree, is female (leucadedrons are usually sexed) has been polinated and is setting seed. The 'cone' is approximately 2.5 inches in diameter.

Now that's a happy puppy!

Labels: Flowers, Our Queer Family

link | posted by Reese at 11:33 PM
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We read something today that really struck a chord. We are very happy to see this kind of thinking in a mainstream gay periodical.

The following article, by Tom Donaghy, is re-printed in its entirety from January 2007's Out Magazine. We will be willing to take it down, as soon as they ask me to, but we felt that it was very important, and should be available online.

When I was in my 20s I watched the generation before me - what is the word? Oh, yes, evaporate. They went away. They went missing. I'm trying to convey the pervasive spookiness and desolation of a decade that found Boy George singing "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me" and Ronald Reagan forgetting to mention an emerging pandemic...

Click here to read the rest of the article.

Labels: Our Queer Family

link | posted by Reese at 5:27 PM
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Previously, I have written about Tolver and my current engagement with the Protea farm, and our being indentured to Bob, its owner. I would like to explain it a bit further here.

One of the things that so intrigued Bob about Tolver and I during that first six weeks that we were on the island, before we moved in with him, was our story of how we had spent much of our relationship working towards new paradigms for homosexual "families." Initially, with our own first ceremony for our peers, on through our legal domestic partnership, and the eventually annulled, San Francisco wedding. Also, our "adoption" of a gay youth, and our ideas about the passing of resources and knowledge from one generation to the next in gay society; a system that has been so disrupted by the loss of two generations to HIV. These thoughts struck a chord in Bob's heart, as he had found himself seeking a way to pass his life's work, his knowledge of plants, and his farm, on to a future, queer generation, as opposed to leaving it to be dismantled by his surviving siblings.

After taking on Tolver and myself, and determining for himself that we were who we had presented ourselves to be, he began the process of creating a Living Trust into which he has transferred ownership of the farm, as well as all of his other property and assets. His intention is that the Trust will own everything, and will financially take care of those elected to care for the Trust's affairs, forever. With the requirement that the farm continue to make money, the trustees will be well cared for. While there is a hierarchy of oversight, and, obviously, Bob is still alive; Tolver and I are named as the inheriting Trustees. The intention is that Tolver and I will do the same, and pass the Trust on to a younger generation, who will prove themselves by taking care of the farm during our "retirement."

We, jointly, believe that similar mechanisms for the distribution of knowledge and wealth have existed through the centuries, in one form or another. It is a parallel to the mechanisms for the distribution of wealth within the heterosexual world. The passage of assistance from one generation to the next: the dowry, the father-in-laws who employ their son-in-laws, etc. In homosexual society, it happened silently, automatically, for thousands of years, but then it was almost lost in the twentieth century when a plague decimated almost 75% of two generations of gay men in this country.

We feel the need to make a statement, as Tolver and I did with our first wedding ceremony in 1987. We feel that this statement, delivered now, will begin a process that will eventually lead to real change. The homosexual populous needs a support base such as has existed for the traditional family, so that we can stop losing our children to the street, drugs, HIV, loneliness, and lack of love. The first step in this statement is the Trust. By our creation, and definition of the Trust we have established a legal mechanism by which inheritance can be managed, but that alone is not enough to be noticed in the social landscape. To that end, Bob has suggested, and we have agreed, that he should legally adopt us. Adoption, in this case, will set a legal precedent for the creation of a homosexual family unit, and make a public statement legitimizing this passage of resources and support from generation to generation.

Our adoption was approved and completed in Hawaii Family Court on February 7th, 2007. Bob is now a single father of two boys, just in time for his 68th birthday!

This is history in the making. When we marched in the 2004 parade with a blown up copy of our marriage certificate, Tolver and I realized that our statement, back in 1987, had been amongst the butterfly wings beating that led to the hurricane of support for gay marriage almost 20 years later. We were too naive then to realize what we were doing - now may we be wise enough to recognize what we might accomplish.

I can imagine a world where gay elders legally adopt their gay juniors. For us to create gay families, so that we too may share in familial love - and all the rewards that go with it. Not only does it establish legal rights to inheritance and medical care, it will give us fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, brothers and sisters, and we can fully share in the emotional bonding that was previously reserved for heterosexual family members. Young gays are OUR responsibility to raise, because the heteros won't. To take them in and give them some familial stability (a 22 year old needs stability), we will give ourselves strength and purpose in life. AIDS decimated us; society at large represses us; so we must help them in every way that we can if we want a better life for the next gay generations.

Labels: Our Queer Family

link | posted by Reese at 7:26 PM
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...and I have been sucked into the politics of it all again. As I enter the second half of the 21st year of my commitment to my partner, I can reflect on our past 4 ceremonies of marriage, but let me make it absolutely clear: We have disavowed marriage. Marriage is a dirty word. Marriage as an institution is broken and should no longer be held as a goal for same-sex couples.

Last year, for our 20th anniversary, we threw away our "wedding" rings, and began wearing our collars as a symbol of our COMMITMENT. I urge all couples, same-sex or opposite sex, to turn away from the political and legal institution of marriage and return to the practice of COMMITMENT ceremonies. A COMMITMENT ceremony is one that you create for yourself; it is only important to you and to those that you choose to share it with. And it is much more meaningful and powerful than anything some government can give you. Anarchy is the only way to true freedom.

Advocate marriage for NO ONE. A return to true morality can only be accomplished by denying those who wish to control morality anything to control.

Labels: Our Queer Family

link | posted by Reese at 2:07 PM
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OK, so this post isn't about Hawai`i, this post is something that I should have started writing about a long time ago. I have to kick myself sometimes because there are a lot of good ideas in here that I say "I need to write that down" and then never get around to it (does anybody remember the round to-its?) Well, now I've been given some external motivation, so let's let er rip!

I am gay. No real surprise there. And, I have been in a loving relationship with my partner, Tolver, for over twenty years. For those that don't have all of the background info, the reader's digest version is that we performed our first "wedding" ceremony in front of a group of about 70 peers, in Austin Texas, in 1987, and became a part of the same-sex marriage movement; becoming domestic partnered in the city of San Francisco, then again in the state of California, then finally legally married, if only for 90 days, in San Francisco on February 14th, 1994. After marching with an enlarged copy of our marriage certificate in that year's Gay Pride March, followed by the re-election of President Shrub, we became dis-allusioned with the same-sex marriage movement, and have gone on to consider ourselves "mated", not married.

Through the years we came to several realizations about gay family and gay society, along with the realization that change in all society comes from people just being who they are, and sticking to their guns. It is those that conform or just follow the trends that cause stagnation; we that march to a different drummer, like butterfly wings, cause the thunderstorms of tomorrow. You see, when Tolver and I created and performed our own wedding ceremony in 1987, it was unheard of for two gay men to marry (come on, it was Austin Texas!); maybe a lesbian couple or two had had a little commitment ceremony, but gay men were the "confirmed bachelors", never even considering the idea of settling down. Still, we weren't trying to set a trend, we were just doing what we felt that we wanted to do; to hell with everyone else. It was our guests, supportive friends and co-workers, most of whom we have lost track of, spread out into American society, who took with them the idea that two men could be married. It is through them that we were a part of beginning a movement that led to the acceptance, and even legalization of same-sex marriage.

But, something else was happening during those twenty years: while we were enjoying new freedom and acceptance, gay society was being decimated by HIV. I guess we were lucky that we found each other at 17 & 18, just as we were entering what could have been the most promiscuous time of our lives. I truly believe that our relationship saved our lives. But, many, maybe most, were not so lucky. Now, it seems, we have made it through the worst of it, and the infected do not have to die, but where is the accounting of how much was lost? A large part of two generations of American homosexual males have been lost; even if they were not killed, their lives, and maybe more importantly, thier potentials were descimated by AIDS.

My point however is about how the loss of two generations affected gay society. Gay society, like hetrosexual society, had in place a mechanism for the inheritance of wisdom, and wealth. In hetrosexual society, the family passes the gains of the past to their children, and through marriage the mechanisms of society are deciminated; father-in-laws hire their daughter's husbands, wedding gifts tally in the thousands, etc. These "leg-ups" provide a way for young people to get a head start, or at least get into the game of life. While not as obvious, gay society used a similar mechanism for thousands of years, where the older gay men would entertain the youth, using the "disposable" income accrued by lack of blood dependants. If we look at early Hollywood society we can find evidence of this, even in recent politics, and it exists as far back as the Greeco practice of mentor and apprentice. Men twenty years younger would often take on the task of caring for the aging bachelors, while learning from them the skills that would be required to continue a business, or some long term task of research or study.

The loss of two generations of gay men could, potentially, destroy this cycle.

Tolver and I realized this and it immediately became important to us to try to do something about it. We realized that we had missed out, and that life had been a bit harder for us because we did not have the support from above that should have been available to us. Again, we were lucky; Tolver's mother was very accepting, without her help in the early years of our relationship we would have been homeless on numerous occasions. I had never considered that I would want the responsibility of a child in my life. In fact a major part of how I had defined my homosexuality in my own youth had been that it meant that I would not have to have children. However, after this realization, it became very important to both of us that we help a troubled gay youth. Within 6 months we had adopted Sky. Timothy 'Sky' Johnson (he even shared my last name) was actually born on the day that Tolver and I first said "I love you" to one another. Unbelievable but true; our love child! We found him not to long after his 19th birthday, without a place to live, with a massive skin infection. Without much hesitation, we took him in, and cared for him back to health. We didn't ask anything of him, other than that he work with us to get his life on track, and we gave him everything that we had to give. It was the most gratifying thing I have done with my life so far!

In less than a year, Sky was employed, and ready to go on his own again. Successfully moved out, found his own love, and started making a life for himself. But, this did not end our contact with him; he has truely become our son, and tells us often how happy he is to have us as his daddies. But we weren't done. When it was time for Tolver and I to move on from San Francisco, to our new lives here in Hawai'i, we left him everything: the apartment, the funiture, everything that he could need to make a life for himself. Few, gay, out, twenty year olds can boast of a full set of cookware, dishes, a good bed, clothes, TV, computer, everything that we had acquired but no longer needed. Tolver and I have learned how to make our own way, how to land on our feet whereever we are. We took along the essentials, and began the new phase of our lives.

After a month in Hawai`i, we became confident that we would make it, that we would be able to use our skills to survive here, and begin the process of gaining the new things that make life possible. And just when we got to that point, we met Bob.

Bob is about 20 years our senior. A successful and settled gay man, happy with his own life, but maybe a bit more alone than he would prefer. He is a brillant horticulturist with much wisdom to pass down. Bob has shown a desire to share what he has, and what he is, with myself and Tolver. There is something about our relationship with him that allready feels very "right." The relationship has been defined by our desire to gain a new place for ourselves and learn a new life path here on the island, and his desire to have someone to help him with his business, and his household. For both Tolver and myself, and Bob, there is a desire for the future security that we can offer each other. The circle is complete.

This is our queer family. In life, there are friends; Tolver and I have a few, very close ones. Most of you will probably read this, a few of you we should call our brothers in this family. Gay men must look for their family. I hope now that the idea is out there, that more will find theirs.

Labels: Our Queer Family

link | posted by Reese at 6:25 PM
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