Previously, I have written about Tolver and my current engagement with the Protea farm, and our being indentured to Bob, its owner. I would like to explain it a bit further here.

One of the things that so intrigued Bob about Tolver and I during that first six weeks that we were on the island, before we moved in with him, was our story of how we had spent much of our relationship working towards new paradigms for homosexual "families." Initially, with our own first ceremony for our peers, on through our legal domestic partnership, and the eventually annulled, San Francisco wedding. Also, our "adoption" of a gay youth, and our ideas about the passing of resources and knowledge from one generation to the next in gay society; a system that has been so disrupted by the loss of two generations to HIV. These thoughts struck a chord in Bob's heart, as he had found himself seeking a way to pass his life's work, his knowledge of plants, and his farm, on to a future, queer generation, as opposed to leaving it to be dismantled by his surviving siblings.

After taking on Tolver and myself, and determining for himself that we were who we had presented ourselves to be, he began the process of creating a Living Trust into which he has transferred ownership of the farm, as well as all of his other property and assets. His intention is that the Trust will own everything, and will financially take care of those elected to care for the Trust's affairs, forever. With the requirement that the farm continue to make money, the trustees will be well cared for. While there is a hierarchy of oversight, and, obviously, Bob is still alive; Tolver and I are named as the inheriting Trustees. The intention is that Tolver and I will do the same, and pass the Trust on to a younger generation, who will prove themselves by taking care of the farm during our "retirement."

We, jointly, believe that similar mechanisms for the distribution of knowledge and wealth have existed through the centuries, in one form or another. It is a parallel to the mechanisms for the distribution of wealth within the heterosexual world. The passage of assistance from one generation to the next: the dowry, the father-in-laws who employ their son-in-laws, etc. In homosexual society, it happened silently, automatically, for thousands of years, but then it was almost lost in the twentieth century when a plague decimated almost 75% of two generations of gay men in this country.

We feel the need to make a statement, as Tolver and I did with our first wedding ceremony in 1987. We feel that this statement, delivered now, will begin a process that will eventually lead to real change. The homosexual populous needs a support base such as has existed for the traditional family, so that we can stop losing our children to the street, drugs, HIV, loneliness, and lack of love. The first step in this statement is the Trust. By our creation, and definition of the Trust we have established a legal mechanism by which inheritance can be managed, but that alone is not enough to be noticed in the social landscape. To that end, Bob has suggested, and we have agreed, that he should legally adopt us. Adoption, in this case, will set a legal precedent for the creation of a homosexual family unit, and make a public statement legitimizing this passage of resources and support from generation to generation.

Our adoption was approved and completed in Hawaii Family Court on February 7th, 2007. Bob is now a single father of two boys, just in time for his 68th birthday!

This is history in the making. When we marched in the 2004 parade with a blown up copy of our marriage certificate, Tolver and I realized that our statement, back in 1987, had been amongst the butterfly wings beating that led to the hurricane of support for gay marriage almost 20 years later. We were too naive then to realize what we were doing - now may we be wise enough to recognize what we might accomplish.

I can imagine a world where gay elders legally adopt their gay juniors. For us to create gay families, so that we too may share in familial love - and all the rewards that go with it. Not only does it establish legal rights to inheritance and medical care, it will give us fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, brothers and sisters, and we can fully share in the emotional bonding that was previously reserved for heterosexual family members. Young gays are OUR responsibility to raise, because the heteros won't. To take them in and give them some familial stability (a 22 year old needs stability), we will give ourselves strength and purpose in life. AIDS decimated us; society at large represses us; so we must help them in every way that we can if we want a better life for the next gay generations.

Labels: Our Queer Family

link | posted by Reese at 7:26 PM

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