I wake up, get dressed, eat, load the tractor, and head up the hill. As the finch flies - the ocean is a kilometer below me - and 11 miles to the south, making for 150 degrees of vast endless ocean spread out before me. So vast the view the curvature of the earth is apparent. Mp3 player in my ears, soundproof hearing protector on top, and an 80-pound jackhammer in my hands. I make holes, I look at the view, I fill the holes, I listen to my music, I plant flowers in the holes. Just me, the holes, and the beauty that surrounds me.

I have what I want in my life now. Some land, a house, a truck, a tractor, and a family.

But no matter where you go, there YOU are.

In 5 months I have adapted enough to my new environment to realize how much farther I have to go before I am 'Aloha.' So many of my behavior patterns that served me well in the concrete jungle just make life harder for me and those around me here in the rain forest. I met another Ryan, under 25, pretty, says he is straight, wants to be... educated. Fresh from the continent, I see in him how I was when I first arrived here. Compared to those who have been here awhile I can see where I lie between the two. How far I have to go before I can attain the blissful inner peace that I see in the long-term residents here. And how far I have come already.

I Have Come Home.

I Am Happy.

Tolver.

link | posted by Reese at 10:08 PM
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The bottle brush, or red swamp Banskia's pollen presenters are deep red, to maroon. After you pick them and they dry, they turn deep royal purple.

Labels: Flowers

link | posted by Reese at 8:32 PM
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Many of the misconceptions that I had about Hawai`i before moving here concerned the beaches. One of these misconceptions, or maybe its just a lack of perspective, is that I never considered that we would ever be on a beach when no one else was there.

The beach that is closest to the farm is that a the end of the Road to the Sea; an unpaved, rocky path cut through a 100 year old lava flow almost directly downhill from us (we can see it from our window even though its alomst 12 miles away.) At the end of the road there is a Olympic sized tide pool to one side and a black and green sand beach to the other. Each time that we have been there, we have had the place to ourselves; it is an amazing experience.

Being at the intersection of the land, the air, and the ocean, with no distracting energies, only your own, allow you to really meditate upon your self in relation to the planet.

Labels: Hawaii

link | posted by Reese at 2:56 PM
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Pruning the plants has become one of my major jobs around the farm. With over a thousand plants in the ground, and another 1800 holes coming, there are a lot of plants that have to be inspected and pruned. Seems like you just get through the fields once, and the plants back where you started are needing it again. We prune for several reasons, and prune differently for different results: we prune a plant that is, or will be soon, producing flowers to cause the plants to put more energy into the flower's stem, thus elongating it; we prune away disease; we prune to shape the plant and promote growth in specific directions; and, we prune to encourage growth in younger plants.

In pruning, I have found my own understanding of the green thumb. When you look at a plant you can either see its energy, or you cannot. When you can see a plant's energy it becomes very obvious what to prune. When a plant is pruned correctly you can see the energy coming up from the earth, through the plant, and shooting out the top into the sky. Prior to pruning, you can look at a plant and see where it's energy is confused, corrupted, or just discombobulated; it is the same sort of empathy that lets you detect when a person is ill.

I guess "seeing" isn't really the right word for it, although sight is as close to the sensation as any other, like smell. It registers as a sensation, a feeling. And, it is very difficult to describe to someone who cannot "see" it.

Labels: Flowers

link | posted by Reese at 8:41 PM
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...and I have been sucked into the politics of it all again. As I enter the second half of the 21st year of my commitment to my partner, I can reflect on our past 4 ceremonies of marriage, but let me make it absolutely clear: We have disavowed marriage. Marriage is a dirty word. Marriage as an institution is broken and should no longer be held as a goal for same-sex couples.

Last year, for our 20th anniversary, we threw away our "wedding" rings, and began wearing our collars as a symbol of our COMMITMENT. I urge all couples, same-sex or opposite sex, to turn away from the political and legal institution of marriage and return to the practice of COMMITMENT ceremonies. A COMMITMENT ceremony is one that you create for yourself; it is only important to you and to those that you choose to share it with. And it is much more meaningful and powerful than anything some government can give you. Anarchy is the only way to true freedom.

Advocate marriage for NO ONE. A return to true morality can only be accomplished by denying those who wish to control morality anything to control.

Labels: Our Queer Family

link | posted by Reese at 2:07 PM
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On Saturdays we drive 90 miles across a beautiful stretch of southern big Island, to the Isle of You farm, for naked volleyball. It is the premiere queer event on the island. Each week, for four to five hours, a couple dozen of us guys hang out, eat munchies, and otherwise imbibe, and play some good old fashion volleyball.

I have never been accused of being athletic, and I had no real experience at the game before coming to Hawaii. Each weekend, I have played. At first I would only play the first game or two of the day, before it gets competitive. Yet, the more I play the more I want to play, and lately I have been playing through the whole afternoon. Lately, many in the group have been complimenting me, and telling me that I am become a much better player than I was at the start. I really appreciate this guys, and I want you to know that you've helped me a lot. Just keep telling me what to do, and I'll get it!

The game is very much about teamwork. In fact, it seems that what is most fun about the game for eveyone, is when we can keep a volley going for a long time. It becomes less important that one side make a point, and more important that we can keep the ball in the air and keep it going.

It was a beautiful sunny day, and we played hard. I'm sore this morning, but its a good sore!

The picture is from a fund-raiser event that happened before we got here, called "Wig Volleyball". We don't usually wear the wigs, but you get the idea!

Labels: Faeries

link | posted by Reese at 12:30 AM
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I spent an fraction of my day sorting through one of the boxes that have arrived from SF.

When Tolver and I left SF, we left almost everything that we had collected so to be able to carry what we had to have on our backs. We had destined our things for our adopted child and his lover; providing a landing spot for them, not much more. Our funiture, our kitchen things, the bed, the bookcase, a couple computers, a couple of desks, all left for them to do with as needed to create the next part of their path.

However, during that frantic 6 hours when we were choosing the possessions that would accompany us, we sealed up three boxes of paper stuff: receipts, originals, pictures, contracts, shareholder documents, etc. That accummulation of dead and processed tree that we collect over our lives; mostly because we can't decide to just throw it away. We had most of it allready packed in the boxes, still we stuff them each a little fuller, sealed them up with tape, and took them upstairs for safe keeping, by our first friend in San Francisco, and earlier roommate, who lives two floors up. (Anybody wants to have a movie night, should ring him up (#43), he's got EVERY MOVIE EVER MADE on DVD.) We hadn't asked if we could use him for storage, but we believed that he would not say no.

Well, it took 4 months for me to save up enough money to have UPS pick up the boxes and bring them to me. Sad part is that in all, I will only really need about 2 percent of what was in those boxes; there just wasn't time to get them sorted down like I am doing now. Still, it cost $180 to get them here.

I went through the one box that is just photos first. We had it allready divided into a set to go to Mom, a set to go to Dad, and a set to go to one of our friends. Now they can be distributed. Then I went through, what I figured was the easier box; that one, I tossed 99.999% of what was there. But I found our actual Powers of Attorney originals, which are helpful. I'm saving the harder box for another day; its probably about 15% keeps...

It made me think again about how much we left behind, and how little that I miss any of it. The physical things. The things which held only one value... that they were mine.

I do miss the people though. So you all have to come visit!

Raj and Jokey say they are coming by boat. The boat takes you around all of the islands, and stops for a day on either side of Big Island. When you are on the east (Hilo) side of the island you can take a day trip up the coast to see the waterfalls. On the west (Kona) side there are all of the touristy things to do; like buying coffee, doing the shops, I think that there are day trips to go snorkling.

Anybody who wants to come for an extended stay, or even just a weekend, I can help you find the best accommidation fit on the Hilo side of the island, in Puna. The Isle of You farm, where we first landed, is an excellent back to nature experience (with a shower and a toilet, and a bed.) And Didier's Absolute Paradise B&B is so close to the coast you will hear the ocean from your room.

link | posted by Reese at 7:44 PM
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I've had a weird day. Its a work day, but I just can't seem to get in to anything. My computer was acting flaky, but now that I have threatened to wipe it, and cleaned it up a bit, it seems to be working better, so I can't get the motivation together to rebuild it. I've gone out to work on the farm 6 times, but not really accomplished much; although observing the plants is an important part of what we do. I worked out a little bit; every little bit helps. I worked on the anuenueprotea.com site some, but even that was half-assed. I just haven't gotten into a groove with anything today. It was even suggested to go to the beach, but I couldn't even get interested. I feel "off" but not necessarily "down". Odd post, huh?

More pictures on the Hawaii page, from when stephenalancarver.com came to visit.

link | posted by Reese at 7:47 PM
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