OK, so this post isn't about Hawai`i, this post is something that I should have started writing about a long time ago. I have to kick myself sometimes because there are a lot of good ideas in here that I say "I need to write that down" and then never get around to it (does anybody remember the round to-its?) Well, now I've been given some external motivation, so let's let er rip!

I am gay. No real surprise there. And, I have been in a loving relationship with my partner, Tolver, for over twenty years. For those that don't have all of the background info, the reader's digest version is that we performed our first "wedding" ceremony in front of a group of about 70 peers, in Austin Texas, in 1987, and became a part of the same-sex marriage movement; becoming domestic partnered in the city of San Francisco, then again in the state of California, then finally legally married, if only for 90 days, in San Francisco on February 14th, 1994. After marching with an enlarged copy of our marriage certificate in that year's Gay Pride March, followed by the re-election of President Shrub, we became dis-allusioned with the same-sex marriage movement, and have gone on to consider ourselves "mated", not married.

Through the years we came to several realizations about gay family and gay society, along with the realization that change in all society comes from people just being who they are, and sticking to their guns. It is those that conform or just follow the trends that cause stagnation; we that march to a different drummer, like butterfly wings, cause the thunderstorms of tomorrow. You see, when Tolver and I created and performed our own wedding ceremony in 1987, it was unheard of for two gay men to marry (come on, it was Austin Texas!); maybe a lesbian couple or two had had a little commitment ceremony, but gay men were the "confirmed bachelors", never even considering the idea of settling down. Still, we weren't trying to set a trend, we were just doing what we felt that we wanted to do; to hell with everyone else. It was our guests, supportive friends and co-workers, most of whom we have lost track of, spread out into American society, who took with them the idea that two men could be married. It is through them that we were a part of beginning a movement that led to the acceptance, and even legalization of same-sex marriage.

But, something else was happening during those twenty years: while we were enjoying new freedom and acceptance, gay society was being decimated by HIV. I guess we were lucky that we found each other at 17 & 18, just as we were entering what could have been the most promiscuous time of our lives. I truly believe that our relationship saved our lives. But, many, maybe most, were not so lucky. Now, it seems, we have made it through the worst of it, and the infected do not have to die, but where is the accounting of how much was lost? A large part of two generations of American homosexual males have been lost; even if they were not killed, their lives, and maybe more importantly, thier potentials were descimated by AIDS.

My point however is about how the loss of two generations affected gay society. Gay society, like hetrosexual society, had in place a mechanism for the inheritance of wisdom, and wealth. In hetrosexual society, the family passes the gains of the past to their children, and through marriage the mechanisms of society are deciminated; father-in-laws hire their daughter's husbands, wedding gifts tally in the thousands, etc. These "leg-ups" provide a way for young people to get a head start, or at least get into the game of life. While not as obvious, gay society used a similar mechanism for thousands of years, where the older gay men would entertain the youth, using the "disposable" income accrued by lack of blood dependants. If we look at early Hollywood society we can find evidence of this, even in recent politics, and it exists as far back as the Greeco practice of mentor and apprentice. Men twenty years younger would often take on the task of caring for the aging bachelors, while learning from them the skills that would be required to continue a business, or some long term task of research or study.

The loss of two generations of gay men could, potentially, destroy this cycle.

Tolver and I realized this and it immediately became important to us to try to do something about it. We realized that we had missed out, and that life had been a bit harder for us because we did not have the support from above that should have been available to us. Again, we were lucky; Tolver's mother was very accepting, without her help in the early years of our relationship we would have been homeless on numerous occasions. I had never considered that I would want the responsibility of a child in my life. In fact a major part of how I had defined my homosexuality in my own youth had been that it meant that I would not have to have children. However, after this realization, it became very important to both of us that we help a troubled gay youth. Within 6 months we had adopted Sky. Timothy 'Sky' Johnson (he even shared my last name) was actually born on the day that Tolver and I first said "I love you" to one another. Unbelievable but true; our love child! We found him not to long after his 19th birthday, without a place to live, with a massive skin infection. Without much hesitation, we took him in, and cared for him back to health. We didn't ask anything of him, other than that he work with us to get his life on track, and we gave him everything that we had to give. It was the most gratifying thing I have done with my life so far!

In less than a year, Sky was employed, and ready to go on his own again. Successfully moved out, found his own love, and started making a life for himself. But, this did not end our contact with him; he has truely become our son, and tells us often how happy he is to have us as his daddies. But we weren't done. When it was time for Tolver and I to move on from San Francisco, to our new lives here in Hawai'i, we left him everything: the apartment, the funiture, everything that he could need to make a life for himself. Few, gay, out, twenty year olds can boast of a full set of cookware, dishes, a good bed, clothes, TV, computer, everything that we had acquired but no longer needed. Tolver and I have learned how to make our own way, how to land on our feet whereever we are. We took along the essentials, and began the new phase of our lives.

After a month in Hawai`i, we became confident that we would make it, that we would be able to use our skills to survive here, and begin the process of gaining the new things that make life possible. And just when we got to that point, we met Bob.

Bob is about 20 years our senior. A successful and settled gay man, happy with his own life, but maybe a bit more alone than he would prefer. He is a brillant horticulturist with much wisdom to pass down. Bob has shown a desire to share what he has, and what he is, with myself and Tolver. There is something about our relationship with him that allready feels very "right." The relationship has been defined by our desire to gain a new place for ourselves and learn a new life path here on the island, and his desire to have someone to help him with his business, and his household. For both Tolver and myself, and Bob, there is a desire for the future security that we can offer each other. The circle is complete.

This is our queer family. In life, there are friends; Tolver and I have a few, very close ones. Most of you will probably read this, a few of you we should call our brothers in this family. Gay men must look for their family. I hope now that the idea is out there, that more will find theirs.

Labels: Our Queer Family

link | posted by Reese at 6:25 PM
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We have spent the last few days with our friend Bob, at his place up the side of Mauna Loa. Here, at approximately the 3400 foot level, the Protea grow well, it is very rocky, and the air is much drier. So far it has not been clear enough for us to see all the way to the ocean, but we can tell the view is glorious.

It is very different living in a place where elevation changes are the norm. San Francisco has its hills, but here, travel from sea level to over 4000 feet, can happen just a couple of miles down (or up) the road. It tasks the inards! and, I have found, can make you very drowsy.

We drove up the mountain to where the cinders are dug up for use in planting. At the tops of the volcanoes there are left cinders in many colors: golds, and browns, greens and grays, reds, orange, and maroon. Bob says that they all have different properties and chemicle compositions. He prefers the gold and brown, and not the red. The quary is very much like looking into the Grand Canyon.

Bob is helping us re-learn to drive. We will need drivers' license, here, and eventually may actually get a vehicle. Its like riding a bicycle, even though its been over 10 years, it was still easy. The written test might not be so! heh.

more to come!

Labels: Hawaii

link | posted by Reese at 1:31 PM
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Our experiences here on the Big Island of Hawaii are starting to pile up, much faster than we can write about them. Plus when we are at the computer, the time is mostly spent trying to keep the mainland money flowing... leaving little typing endurance for writing about our experiences here. But, in an attempt to try to write more, we are going to try dividing up the pages. For now, tolver will be updating the Hawaii page with his experiences, while I will try to write mine here, in my Blog.

Today I want to try to get to some of the stuff that I have been piling up, so this might turn out a little disjointed, with me trying to say to many things at once, but here goes!

The first experience that seems to be important for me to relate has to do with working the land. Almost every other day I still have to hitch-hike the 7 miles into Pahoa to sit at this PC and stay connected to the internet, but on the days that we don't, we tend to stay on the farm and either work the land for our hosts, or work on our own shelter and surrounding area. I really love opening up the paths that surround our shelter. There were just a couple of "paths" when we started, but then there were also dozens of tiny "pig trails". A Pig trail is usually about 6 inches wide, and maybe a foot and a half high through the denser growth. It would really be neato to be able to shrink myself down to gnome size and see where they all go! Since I can't do that, we use them as a starting point, and clipper away the ferns, weed trees and cane grass until these paths become passable by people our size. I had always wanted a chance to construct and play within a hedge maze! now I am doing just that! I will call it The Menehune Maze, because they may look like pig trails, but we hear the Menehune at night!

After using the hosts aging clippers for the first couple of weeks, we made the trek to Walmart (about an hour bus ride away, in Hilo) and I bought a new pair of clipping shears for $8.88, and clipping has become one of my primary jobs. I have to go back and clean up each trail every couple of days, but they have also been very useful for the main job that I have been doing for the hosts: cane grass removal. The cane grass grows 5 to 12 feet high, and would strangle the whole property if we didn't keep at it constantly. So we hack away at it, with the clippers, and machete. Ah, the machete. I am 38 years old, and I think that I have had my first true testosterone experience! hacking at cane grass with the machete. After about an hour of intense hacking and whacking I completed a field surrounding a large weed tree, that we were clearing for a later date with the chainsaw, I let out a primal scream and felt the juice flowing through my vains. I ran up the hill and took my mate! heh.

OK, so the last experience that I will have time to relate today, will be about our time at Kehena beach yesterday. (See the pictures) Yes we do get to go to the beach, we don't just work every day; although this was only our second time. After swimming in the ocean (body tempeture in February) I just sat back on the beach and allowed the energy of the environment effect me. It was wondrous, and we saw whales. And I thought to myself how cool it would be to develop a visualization algorithm that would be like watching the ocean for whales, with the occasional moments of wonder and excitement. Yet, later, I realized how strange it was to want to try to re-create something that was so wonderful experienced live, with something that was just video imagery. My outlook on reality must be changing...

I will leave you with that, until next time.

Labels: Hawaii

link | posted by Reese at 11:49 AM
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